Sunday, December 9, 2012

Believing takes practice.

Every Christmas, my grandmother used to do something that made us all roll our eyes behind her back.  It was a tradition my sisters and cousins and I always found awkward.  We would share a piece of Christmas wafer called opłatek and wish each other good things for the year to come.  We had to do it in front of everyone and it was hard not to get silly about it.  And yet, I always knew there would be a Christmas where my grandmother wouldn't be there to make us do this tradition, I just never knew it would come so soon.

This Christmas is the first one my family is celebrating without Mama and I'm really not sure what to expect.  I think I've been subconsciously pushing away a feeling of dread and sadness, since the Christmas season started approaching. I came across this quote from A Wrinkle in Time, recently and it seems to keep popping into my head: "Believing takes practice."

This Christmas, a person in my life who always believed in so much and with such sincerity, faith and hope, will be missing.  She didn't just believe in her God and her religion, but she believed in people.  She believed in good and kindness and delight and laughter.  And all of that is making me realize how important it is for me to believe too, especially during Christmas.  It's important to remember to believe in giving presents, in surprises, in looking forward to things, and togetherness.

So this weekend, when we decorated our apartment, and when I watched Mariah Carey on Jimmy Fallon on you tube (seriously guys, I love her so much) and when I called my mom to get ideas for what to get my sister's for Christmas, I practiced some believing for Mama.

It's hard for me to really grasp why I love Christmas so much, but I always have and I think it's the believing that does it for me. I'm so thankful to have had people in my life who have taught me how to practice being a believer every single year.

What are you believing in this holiday season? I'd love to hear all about it. xo.


  1. I believe that we're all going to be okay. Love you Sar!

  2. I think about "togetherness" a lot....I suddenly find myself gravitating towards astrology...i much better at believing what i see & hear when I see some people say or do something that is simple wrong, then they cover it up with schtick or snark. I believe you can get out of your way, if you want to. I might "steal" that Christmas wafer tradition.

  3. This is done in my family, too, and I seriously had no idea what it meant originally. We are not religious people, though, it just acts to signify us still being together, whatever the circumstances.

    Have a happy Christmas, without dread or sadness.