When I was in college it was as if change was all the rage. Those four years felt like they lasted a decade and I would embrace change every chance I got.
The last big changes in my life happened in 2005. In January, I moved to Brooklyn all by myself, and by July, Alex and I were in love and moving in together. Living with a boyfriend for the first time was a huge change. The sort of change that made me realize that going back on it would be a really big deal.
Luckily, I never had to worry about us. The confidence I felt that we were going to be together forever is still here seven years and four apartments together later.
They say in New York, you're always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment (or at least that's what they say in Sex in the City, and I just felt VERY Carrie-esque typing that line out on my laptop) and I've had all three for a long time now. Yes, the apartments have changed, but not the city. And lately, I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it has to do with turning 30, or the fact that I'm on summer vacation and have a lot of time on my hands that often leads me to reading Craigslist like a crazy person. Or maybe it's just the fact that I can't remember doing the same thing and living in the same place for seven years in a row since I was a kid, but I can't stop wondering if it is time for something to change. Am I on the brink of becoming stagnant, or is this what being happily settled feels like? How do you know?
Both Alex and I recently saw job postings in different places that seemed intriguing. Actually, scratch that, I found both of the job listings because of that time on my hands thing I talked about earlier. One was for a children's public librarian position in a small town in Hudson Valley, New York. I even found the perfect house for us to live in, literally blocks away from the library. (I can't believe I'm telling you this, it's really showing just how deep into thinking about this I go). That kind of change would allow Alex to stay where he is and commute into the city, although the commute seems pretty long compared to subway commuting, but I've heard that a lot of people do it.
The other job listing was for a public radio position in Interlochen, Michigan. A beautiful town that we've both been to that is centered around a lake and world renowned arts center.
We haven't applied to either of these jobs or told anyone that we even know they exist. Parents and co-workers who have become close friends and read this blog, I know what you're thinking right now, something like: "Whaaaaaaaaa?" I know, that's what I'm thinking too.
It's like during the day, I fantasize about small town living, and trees and grass and space and affordable housing, and then at night I think, but we'd be so lonely and all our friends are here and what if it ends up being a bad idea? Then what?
And that is the cycle I am in right now. Has anyone else gone through this before? What ended up happening? Did you change, or stay where you are? Was the change the right decision? I think it can be nice to have something to dream about while you aren't there yet, but that dreaming can also get in the way of enjoying the present. Would love to hear your thoughts on this readers! And thanks, as always, for listening.