Sunday, May 20, 2012

Taxi cab moment or the freak out spiral


A few weeks ago, I participated in the Things I'm Afraid to Tell You link up and started off writing about a memory I had involving a taxi right when Alex was getting out of the hospital, but at the end of the post, realized that what I was really writing about was Alex's accident.

Writing that post was really good for me (thank you creature comforts for giving me the inspiration!) and I have come to refer to other things since then as a "taxi cab moment."

Let me explain.  Ultimately, I freaked out in my story about not being able to hail a cab- kind of an insignificant thing right?  And yet how many times have I done that in my life?  Just the other day I was freaking out about new neighbors moving in.  I know it's normal but it's a change that I don't have control over.  There it is- control.  I'm starting to realize that those seemingly minor freak outs are not actually freak outs about that seemingly minor thing.  They are triggered by not having control in that moment which sends me into an a freak out spiral about not having control about life.

Right now for me, my control freak out spiral always comes back to Alex's accident- the biggest thing in my life that I feel like I have no control over.  And the thing that I've realized works is talking about it- with Alex especially.  The other night when I was having my taxi cab moment about the new neighbors moving in downstairs, I stopped for a second and realized that all of the anxiety I was feeling wasn't really about them at all.  It was just triggering buried anxiety.  So I told Alex and we started talking, and before I knew it we were just talking about the accident.  Really talking about it.  Not talking about surgeries or current pain but just what it's meant for both of us, how it's made us feel on different levels.

The conversation did not miraculously heal Alex or undo the fact that the accident ever happened but it made me feel really good.  I don't feel better.  I'm still not where I want to be, but I feel like I know what to talk about when I'm feeling anxious about something insignificant now, and that's a teeny tiny piece of control that I'm going to hold on to tight and try to remember to use.

I'm curious readers, do you find yourself in taxi cab moments too? How do you deal with gaining back a little sense of control or just letting go completely?  I'd love to hear your tips, tricks and stories about this sort of thing.

9 comments:

  1. I think you and I react to things in a similar way. Sometimes I let the littlest things absolutely ruin my day. I never thought about it in terms of control, but I suspect my little freak outs happen for the same reason.

    For me, it's always when something that should be extremely simple doesn't work out right. Like not being able to find a restaurant that can seat me in under an hour, or when I go to the grocery story for something and can't find it. Really stupid, little things. I get my mind set on things being a certain way, and when things don't work out I let myself get overly upset about them. It's really frustrating, and I don't like that I overreact to these minor setbacks.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your similar experiences Courtney :)

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  2. I have faced the fact that I am an absolute control freak. So much so that sometimes (well most of the time) I'll just think about my day in the morning and worry about all of the things that may go wrong. This creates extreme anxiety for me at times and I've been struggling to get control (there is that word again) over my thoughts and feelings. I recently read about someone comparing our fears to the reins of a horse that was running away with me. Now when I get overwhelmed I try to just visualize myself letting go of the reins and watching my fears leave me. Another thing that has worked for me in the past is to write down everything that was bothering me in the morning. It actually left me feeling better throughout the day because I sort of dealt with the feelings earlier. P.S. Thanks for the comment on my new blog the other day.

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    1. Those are really good suggestions. Really love the horse and reins one, I felt like just picturing that made me feel lighter! Thanks so much for your comment :)

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  3. This sounds really familiar. What helps me is trying to find what is REALLY upsetting me at that moment. As you said, most of the time it's not the neighbours or the dirty dishes, or whatever. I start to listen to myself: what I am feeling right now? What I am thinking of right now? Is it something I can fix? Right now? Then do it.

    It works wonders for me. I'm starting to realize that most of my little freak outs are actually most of the time about something else. And it's fairly easy for me to talk about it or do something about it. It may sound simple, but for me it was a giant revelation!

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    1. Yes, exactly! It's just remembering to do that simple thing right? :) Thanks so much for your comment.

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  4. Nanuan Tours & Travels Cab offers efficient, taxi in Chandigarh to meet the transportation needs of residents, visitors and our corporate clients. Our extensive service area includes Panchkula, Mohali, Chandigarh, Haryana, Rajasthan, Uttar Pradesh, Uttarakhand, Punjab, Himachal Pradesh, Jammu & Kashmir.

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