Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I'm a writer
So, I haven't actually talked about the fact that I'm a writer on this blog yet. And while I like to consider this a "lifestyle blog," which sort of gives me the freedom to write about whatever the hell I want, I also hope for this space to be a writer's blog. Before I start talking about my writing here though, I have something else I'm afraid to tell you:
The other day, my mom was asking me about my writing in a completely supportive and interested way. And I just didn't want to talk about it. Finally, she said, "why are you acting defensive? Is it the question's I'm asking?" And I couldn't answer her. I knew she was right, I knew I was acting defensive and yet, why?
The conversation stuck in my head for a long time, and I was trying to figure out what was going on. I think that I've come to a place where my relationship with writing -while I'm very passionate about it, is steeped in guilt and shame. All of this guilt and shame has to do with not being published. And I think I spend my time telling myself that I don't really feel this way. And yet, when my mom asks me about my writing I get defensive because if I really let my guard down, I know I'd just start crying.
This is not healthy. I do not want to be this way. How can I separate something I feel so passionate about from feeling like a failure? Guilt, shame and jealousy should not be the emotions that talking about my writing should provoke. So here's a resolution I'm putting into action now: write for the sake of writing. Not for the sake of finishing a project but just to write. And I wonder what will happen.
If you are a writer, I highly recommend following Sarah Selecky on twitter where she believes in this attitude towards writing and gives great writing prompts every day. I'm even considering trying out her e-course which sounds really fun called story is a state of mind.
I write young adult novels and am currently working on revising my third novel which I am calling I Died For Beauty. I had an agent who tried to sell my first two novels but we were unable to find a publisher. Right now I am working on revising my third novel and will then start looking for a new agent/ other publishing options with her help. I'm taking an advance novel writing class with NYU this summer (it starts June 6th) and am really looking forward to a weekly place to go and work on my current WIP (work in progress).
In the meantime however, I'm going to start Fiction Fridays on this blog to help get over my defensive guilt, shame and jealousy. These posts will not be from my WIP but small vignettes that will probably go nowhere and be written for the pleasure of writing only. I'm exciting to share this writing with you all and if you're a writer too, would love to have you participate too and link up in the comments!
Does anyone else have these emotions of shame and guilt when it comes to any type of creative endeavor? If so, I'd love to hear about it- I hope I'm not the only creative person that feels this way! How do you feel with these emotions? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Stay tuned for this Friday's first Fiction Friday on Well and Cheaply, and thanks for reading.
PS- All of these quotes on writing are from my pinterest page. Follow me here!