Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I'm a writer


So, I haven't actually talked about the fact that I'm a writer on this blog yet.  And while I like to consider this a "lifestyle blog," which sort of gives me the freedom to write about whatever the hell I want, I also hope for this space to be a writer's blog.  Before I start talking about my writing here though, I have something else I'm afraid to tell you:

The other day, my mom was asking me about my writing in a completely supportive and interested way.  And I just didn't want to talk about it.  Finally, she said, "why are you acting defensive?  Is it the question's I'm asking?"  And I couldn't answer her.  I knew she was right, I knew I was acting defensive and yet, why?

The conversation stuck in my head for a long time, and I was trying to figure out what was going on.  I think that I've come to a place where my relationship with writing -while I'm very passionate about it, is steeped in guilt and shame.  All of this guilt and shame has to do with not being published.  And I think I spend my time telling myself that I don't really feel this way.  And yet, when my mom asks me about my writing I get defensive because if I really let my guard down, I know I'd just start crying.



This is not healthy.  I do not want to be this way.  How can I separate something I feel so passionate about from feeling like a failure?  Guilt, shame and jealousy should not be the emotions that talking about my writing should provoke.  So here's a resolution I'm putting into action now: write for the sake of writing.  Not for the sake of finishing a project but just to write.  And I wonder what will happen.

If you are a writer, I highly recommend following Sarah Selecky on twitter where she believes in this attitude towards writing and gives great writing prompts every day.  I'm even considering trying out her e-course which sounds really fun called story is a state of mind.

I write young adult novels and am currently working on revising my third novel which I am calling I Died For Beauty.  I had an agent who tried to sell my first two novels but we were unable to find a publisher.  Right now I am working on revising my third novel and will then start looking for a new agent/ other publishing options with her help.  I'm taking an advance novel writing class with NYU this summer (it starts June 6th) and am really looking forward to a weekly place to go and work on my current WIP (work in progress).



In the meantime however, I'm going to start Fiction Fridays on this blog to help get over my defensive guilt, shame and jealousy.  These posts will not be from my WIP but small vignettes that will probably go nowhere and be written for the pleasure of writing only.  I'm exciting to share this writing with you all and if you're a writer too, would love to have you participate too and link up in the comments!

Does anyone else have these emotions of shame and guilt when it comes to any type of creative endeavor?  If so, I'd love to hear about it- I hope I'm not the only creative person that feels this way!  How do you feel with these emotions?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!



Stay tuned for this Friday's first Fiction Friday on Well and Cheaply, and thanks for reading.



PS- All of these quotes on writing are from my pinterest page.  Follow me here!

7 comments:

  1. Hey, I don't think I feel guilty in the same way as you do. But my guilt comes that I love to write, and I envision myself a novelist but I have yet to finish a story. Right now I am really pushing myself to finish my current story. Because I have never finished a story I don't really share my passion for writing, I guess I am a little ashamed of myself but I with my blog I try to share my passion more.

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    1. Thanks for your comment Blaire. You can finish, I know you can!

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  2. You should be so proud of yourself for having actually written 2 novels, even if they are unpublished. I have always written, dreamed of becoming an author. I start books, have so many books outlined in notebooks, but I just lack faith in my skills. Someone I care about deeply trashed me about my dreams of being an author at one point in my life and made me feel as if I was foolish. I can still feel that hurt, and logically know that I am letting this hold me back from what I could accomplish. I still write all the time, for myself. I know it is what I should be doing, because I can't let go of that 'feeling'-if you know what I mean. That feeling that it is what I'm meant to do.

    Keep on going. You'll get published. I believe in you.

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    1. Hey Heather, while no one has ever trashed out my writing. When I was younger my younger sister once read one of my stories and all she did was pick on my spelling since then it has been hard for me to share my stories. Writing is completely vulnerable and takes real courage to share with others. Good luck Heather.

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    2. Wow Heather, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I hope you keep going too. xo

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  3. I think you've made the biggest step by putting those feelings into words & sharing them. I look forward to Fridays!

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    1. Thanks so much! Can't wait to post :)

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